i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
