I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
