New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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