im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
