we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
