seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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