You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
