apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
