Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
