in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
