Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
