i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
