You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
