Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
