Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize