Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
