there's paper in my vomit.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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