from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They are going to name an STD after you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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