I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
