she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
