dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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