you traded sex for a burrito?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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