I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
