How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
