he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
