I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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