i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
