Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
