her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
