Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
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