what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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