My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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