I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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