Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
