We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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