my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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