How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
