Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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