I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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