She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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