are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
