he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize