5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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