I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i want to fuck
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it's pretty self explanatory
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
