there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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