now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My pussy is not your playground.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Two words: nipple clamps
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