we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize