but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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