Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sobbing to NWA
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
