Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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