like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Fuck appropriateness.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
