All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
