im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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