When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
