I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
