what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
