She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
