I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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