you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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