Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
