he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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