meet me or not, i'm out of control
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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