We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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