OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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