I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
