I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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