Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
