Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
