I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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