It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
