Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
