I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
