i love accidental penises.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
