youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize