My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
