I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
