I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
