There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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