Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
